bekolay.org

There comes a time in everyone's life when they realize that they're an ugly piece of shit that doesn't deserve to live because they're so fucking ugly.

That time came for me today, when I read that New Moon grossed $140.7 million over the weekend.

From what I've gathered, Twilight is a book series in which a mormon takes thirty years of repressed desires and births a super hot vampire, a clumsy and private but totally-not-autobiographical girl, and together they play out about eight lifetimes of teenage angst.

This vampire is so goddamn hot that he can cause women to disrobe on command, makes the news for a misplaced hair and just generally makes female celebrity journalists lose their shit.

I clearly needs myself a makeover if I want to be able to go out in public ever again. I'm talking a face-sawing skin-replacing fat-moving-around makeover. Fortunately, as always, the internet has me covered.

So awesome. Once they perfect the technology to blur your face in real life, I think I'll be a-okay.